Feelings

It's so hard getting back into things after the holidays.  I feel like it's harder than after the summer.  I don't know for sure why that is, but I suspect it has something to do with the dark, cold mornings.

This semester I'm feeling like a terrible homeschool mom.  I don't think I'm spending near enough time with Ruth, my 9 year old.  I just feel inadequate; spread too thin.  She just troops along with her school work, but I spent so much more time with the other kids at that age.  (Then, I hear a voice in my head and it tells me, "She's probably better off. She's learning to teach herself.  She'll be more independent.")  Maybe.  I don't know.  I miss the quiet days at the table.  I miss the rhythm we used to have.

At times like these, times when I find myself constantly waiting for something to change (particularly to change back), I find it's time to say goodbye to a chapter in my life and realize I'm in a new chapter.  I can look back on my homeschool career and see many chapters.  They are all different and all were equally uncomfortable at the beginning.  It's just with homeschooling, sometimes life dictates changes you don't expect/can't control.  I can hear you all saying, "What? She didn't expect taking a 16-hour a week job to affect her homeschooling?  Is she crazy??"  Yeah..I did and I knew the ways in which it would change the rhythm of our days.  But I guess I thought we'd settle into a new routine.  It just seems like there are never any routine days. 

So, this is the schedule for this semester:

Mondays:  I work 7:30-4pm; Jane dances 6-7:30pm

Tuesdays:  Jane has sewing 10-12:30; Jane demonstrates dance 4-5pm; Ruth dances 5-6pm and Sam usually works at the grocery store 5-9pm.

Wednesdays:  I work 7:30-4pm; Jane dances 6-7:30pm.

Thursdays: Jane demonstrates dance 9:30-11:30am (I get the girls up after taking Sam to school and we go to Bread Company and do school work.  My sister, Karen, usually meets us. Then we get home @noon and have lunch and continue with school work.)  Jane has dance 7-9:15pm.

Fridays:  Piano 9:30-10:30; co-op 11:15-3:30pm (I usually drop her off, except during February which is my month to help clean at the co-op so Ruth and I will stay and she'll do her school in the room designated for siblings); Ruth dances 5:15-6:15pm and I work the desk at that time.

Saturdays: I work the dance studio 10:30-2pm; Jane dances 10:45-12:15pm; Sam usually works an 8 hour shift Saturday or Sunday.

The challenge for me is to remember that these are the years I dreamed of.  These are the years I am blessed with; truly.  This is the stuff that, in remembering, will keep a smile on my face in my old age. I don't want to wish it away.

Another challenge is to not let my feelings of failure or inadequacy overwhelm or discourage me.  So, at the co-op yesterday, Ruth and I were doing school work in the library.  I was, as I say, feeling really discouraged.  Then, as I'm doing math and english with Ruth over the course of the two hours, I realize that she's doing great!  Yes, there's work to be done and I need to beef up her curriculum, but she's a smart girl and will be in her 4th grade books by April.  My panic and concern is not undue, I just have to make sure it doesn't get the best of me.  I need to renew my efforts with Ruth, but she's going to be fine.  This is the clarity I wish I had in the early years.  Homeschooling is a huge undertaking and it's so easy to panic or be discouraged.  But homeschooling is a process and patience with the process is required.  Here's a poem that began the 2nd Unit in Ruth's English textbook that I really liked:

Little by little, and straight and high

A bush to a tall tree grows.

Little by little, the days go by

And a bud becomes a rose.

Little by little, the children grow

Taller and taller and then,

Little by little, they change

And, lo, they turn into women and men.

We discussed how we can't rush some things; a lot of important things take time. We talked about how even though you can't always see it, big things are happening.  How true.  I learn SO much from my kids and from my homeschool adventure with them!  There....I feel better! 

 

A New Year, New Beginnings

I love the new year.  I do like to have a resolution.  The way I see it, if you don't set a goal, you have nothing to reach for. My goal this year is to drink more water.  I'm going to start with re-filling my tervis tumbler 3 times.  I think it's 10oz. so that would be 40oz. of water a day.  I don't know what they say you should drink, but that would be about 30oz. more than I currently drink.  Improvement is the point, not perfection.

With our homeschool, we are looking at 3 month goals right now.  The huge Catholic Curriculum Fair is the first weekend in April.  Ruth will be ready for her 4th grade books.  She already uses some 4th grade materials and she's in 5th grade Maps-n-Charts book (geography).  So we wll be concentrating on wrapping things up for her during these next three months.  I also will be planning some two week, in depth studies for her.  She loves Greek Mythology so we are going to expand on that with history of Greece and some astrology.  We will put together a greek menu for dinner to complete the series and I'm looking forward to that!

I can't help but feel restricted even by the little bit of school Jane does outside the home, at the co-op.  We have grown so accustomed to moving at our own pace that I feel held back by the co-op.  I need to ask Jane how she's feeling about it.  This semester she continues with Biology at the co-op and begins two new semester classes, Speech and Writing and Organization Skills.  Both taught by the same guy that taught her Logic and Memory Skills classes.  She also is starting a sewing class at a co-op out in Chesterfield.  She is NOT excited about it.  I am struggling to get her to keep an open mind.   She has a new portable machine (a nice one, not a toy) and a beautiful carrying 'bag' that reminds me of Mary Poppins' carpet bag.  They're first project is a binder cover for a 1" binder.  By the end of the semester, though, she will have made some "simple" clothing.  The class is taught by a master seamstress and is FREE.  It's out at the Pillar Foundation which is funded by several families.  Their focus is on aiding parents in educating their children and they offer, for free (plus cost of materials), mostly history, economics, and civics courses.  I plan on Jane taking some of their economics and civics courses.  There is a link to their website at the bottom of my blog.  I think I like them, I know I respect what they do, and we will see after our first experience with the course offering.

So, I'm going to be working a lot this month and I'm STILL recovering from my cold, but I am embracing all the promise that new beginnings bring!

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas! We've had a wonderful season!  I have to say that the whole time, I kept thinking about the people in Newtown, CT.  It really put things in perspective.  On my ever-growing list of things to do, burying my child (sibling/friend/mom/sister) was NOT on my list.  How forever changed are the lives of those who survived.  The children, especially; their innocence shattered.  I just kept looking at all of my kids, my husband, my parents and thinking, 'This is so good. The only gift I need.'  Now, I'm looking forward to 2013. 

I do like to make resolutions.  Sometimes they don't stick, yes, but if you never set goals, there's nothing to reach for.  My resolution for 2013 will be to drink more water.  I don't drink enough water and I think it would be very good for me.  The big hurdle here is, I have tried before and failed.  What I do is carry water with me every where, but I'm not drinking it.  The same camelbak follows me around all day with the same water in it.  I have to actually drink it...it's not enough to carry it around with me.  Also, I've heard it's better to sip water continually all day than to down a glass 8 times a day.  Your body needs constant hydration and it can't absorb it that fast so better to sip.  Wish me luck.

I am SO enjoying being off everything for a week.  No school, no work, no dance.  It's wonderful.  Work and dance resume the 2nd of January.  Our school doesn't resume till the following Monday.  I love to use this break to revamp some things and begin again with a fresh look at this 2nd semester.  Ruth will be ready for 4th grade come the end of March so we will be wrapping things up and I'll need to start her in her new books in April.  She's probably ready now, but I have a hard time leaving books unfinished.  No rush. 

Jane is going to be starting a sewing class at a different co-op on Tuesdays.  I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous.  I'm nervous about her liking it and about how that's going to affect our schedule.  Tuesday has been our one quiet day each week.  Still, this has been a year of trying new things and then we'll make adjustments for next year.  Jane has done some awesome reading over this Christmas break so maybe I need to rethink her reading assignments.  More on that later.

I gotta go; my 16 year old, Sam, wants me to give him a haircut (it's just a buzz).  I blog more when I'm back at work on the 2nd (then I can rest; hee hee).  Hope this Christmas Season is filled with quiet blessings that remind you that the best things in life are free and I hope that 2013 is a year of peace and good health. 

Updates

As I blogged about not so long ago, I gave Jane a reading assignment with incentives for finishing and consequences for not.  Well, she started off strong.  She read the first book called, 'Fever,' in about a week.  She was certain she was not going to like it, but about 2 chapters in, she couldn't put it down.  She wrote an awesome book report on it that I thoroughly enjoyed and proceeded to start the 2nd book.  She was supposed to read 3 books that I chose (all historical fiction) in 6 weeks with completed book reports. We are at the end of the six weeks and she still hasn't finished the 2nd book.  I don't think she's ever gotten past the 2nd chapter. 

So the consequence I told her about was no t.v.  How do I enforce that when I'm not there?  And for what time period?   My husband says it should last until she finishes the assignment.  Hmmm....that could work.  The bottom line though is she has to decide to do the work.  That's true of a child at school as well.  Few kids who are doing poorly in school are unintelligent.  Mostly, they just need to decide to do the work; to care.

In all fairness to her, I did pick Nutcracker time to decide what to do about her reading.  Her regular dance schedule is 6.5 hours of dance a week, but during nutcracker, she's up there about 12 hours a week.  Still, no excuses, right?  I mean, if she were at school, there would be consequences.  Maybe I should just give her a failing grade and move on?  But that's not why or how I want to homeschool.  So, I'm going to have to think about what to do.  I have spoken with Jane about this.  She suggested that she could do all her reading over the summer.  It's not a bad suggestion, I'll just have to think about whether that will work.

On the bright side, I am so excited to see how well she is doing in her co-op classes and in her Algebra.  She is a smart girl!  I confess, I, like every parent, worry about how my kid will do in highschool.  But even more so when it's the first time she's taken a class outside of home.  She's doing great and I think she also is relieved and pleased!

The one who is really going to benefit from my working 16 hours a week is Ruth.  She was born an independent spirit, but she is really doing well managing her school work in 3rd grade!  She had her first piano recital last Saturday and she did great.  I knew she wouldn't be too nervous; she's danced on stage twice now.  But she did her piece perfectly and her duet with the teacher perfectly.  She's something else!  I was so glad that two of her older brothers came (the other one is away at college). 

Well, our tree is up and decorated, the house decorations are up, most of my shopping is done and most of that, wrapped, and a few batches of cookies are made.  All I could think about as we decorated was how blessed I am to have my family with me.  With my son's friend gone, a woman from work dying suddenly, and the mall shooting this week, I am more aware that the real gift for me this year and every year is the family that surrounds me.  Even with all the issues that come with marriage and raising kids, at the end of the day, I have my husband and my five kids and my parents and my sisters with me....there's nothing else I want. 

Not enough hours in the day....

It's been a rough two weeks.  I love this new job; the girls and Sam are doing great with my working.  Marty and I have worked out a schedule that seems to get everything done.  But two weeks ago the gal who works in the mail room and is in the reserves, got called up for two weeks duty in our state's capitol.  So, that meant lots more hours.  On top of that, we sold two cars on craig's list and bought two replacement vehicles over the last 18 days!  But the worst, what has been especially difficult, is that a good friend of our son killed himself.  It hit all of us very hard.  Our son, Leo, had known this young man all through highschool and had roomed with him last year.  We brought our son home as soon as he found out (which was the morning after it happened) and he stayed two days but was unable to make the mass.  I went to the memorial service and it was so beautiful and so awful at the same time.  I wonder if I have been meeting the needs of my students sufficiently during these busy, stressful two weeks.

I remember other homeschool moms I've known that have had difficult times.  One in particular whose kids are older than my own and experienced the death of both of her parents in the same year.  I was amazed at her calmness during her "juggling act" and she explained that after many years of homeschooling she understood that the kids manage to continue learning even through hectic times.  All those little things, all those conversations, the advice over the years, I tuck it all away and low and behold it comes back to me at the appropriate times.  That's why it is so important to have support, talk to people, seek out advice; we are not meant to be alone.  

When I started homeschooling, I used a book called "Managers of their Homes" (I've got a link to their site below).  It was written by a homeschooling family to help other homeschoolers schedule their day in order to get everything done that needed to be done.  It's tricky, because you don't want to be a slave to the schedule; that could make you very unhappy.  The schedule is a tool designed to help. I loved it and it really did help me juggle all the needs of my 3 students and 2 year old at the time.  The idea is to outline all that needs to be done for each person in the family and then break it up in 1/2 hour - hour increments and plan it out.  You count everything: sleeping, eating, school work, chores, playtime, baths, everything.  NEVER did it go exactly as it looked on paper when I was done with my "master schedule," but it was a guide to try and follow.  I've stopped using it, but my mind still is governed by the idea that each day I strive to get done what God intends.  Seldom if ever are there enough hours in the day to get everything done that is on the list of things to do.  On my best days, I say over and over in my head "What should I do now, Lord?"  Otherwise, I feel like I'm just running from one thing to the next and at the end of those days, I feel frustrated, unsatisfied. I "feel" like there are not enough hours in the day, but I "trust" that there ARE enough hours for what God intends for me to accomplish.  

One of the days that I came home from work, the girls hadn't managed their time so well.  Some school work was unfinished ("Well, I had questions and didn't know what to do.") and chores were not all complete ("I didn't know which sink you meant for me to clean.") and I got all crabby.  I started lecturing and stomping around and just generally making them feel bad for having had a bad day.  In reality, we have bad days even when I am home and even before I started working.  Well, poor Jane gets teary eyed and I realize, I'm not doing what God would guide me to do, I'm doing what I think "needs" to be done.  What my girls needed was reassurance.  I didn't need to spend the precious few hours I've had for them the past two weeks making them feel bad.  I quickly reversed gears and calmed down and acknowledged that it was just my own nervousness and stress that had me all crabby.  I forgot to take a deep breath when I got home and say, "What now, God?"  

I am only one person. I can only do so much.  I want at the end of the day to have the peace that comes from knowing that I got done what God needed me to get done.  The rest will wait until tomorrow.  

Struggles

Here's what I'm really struggling with.  I can't get Jane to read.  She is an avid reader and reads great big books and consumes them quickly.  But as soon as there's a hint of me wanting her to read something...then she doesn't want to read it.  I've been patient.  Given her time to mentally adjust.  Agreed that she could read a "fun" book and a book for school at the same time.  Nevermind my argument that a school book could be "fun."  Why waste my breath?  Offered her a huge list from which to pick; a list I didn't create but a compilation of homeschool teen's favorites. I've taken her to the library to choose for herself, but she just comes back with fiction.  I finally told her that if she wouldn't choose, I'll choose and she'll have to read it.  She agrees and I choose and nothing gets read. 

This isn't about homeschooling. (I can hear all the people out there saying, "See.  This is why it would never work.  I could never get my kid's cooperation.")  This is about her relationship with me.  We've always had a sort of push-pull relationship.  It has affected the school situation, but this one is trickier, because it's not in a textbook; it's not outlined in a lesson plan.  Also, you can see an unfinished lesson or worksheet.  It's harder to "see" an unread book.

I guess I'll have to assign several books with book reports due at certain times and have consequences (like no t.v.) if they don't get done.  And maybe I'll add incentives like if you finish early, you can eat out with your friends before or after dance.  I'll try that and let you know what works.

Bumps

I knew there would be bumps in this highschool journey.  As the weeks roll along, Jane and I have been having discussions about how things are working.  Mostly, I'm just SO imressed with how well she is doing. So, what has not been working?  Consistency.  Consistently doing her work every day!

Her other studies are suffering because she spends much of her time focused on the co-op classes.  She cannot let her math, english, history and spelling (yes, spelling in 9th grade; she needs it!) suffer.  Mind you, she is still doing them, but not with the same attention.  I get nervous, then I get crabby.  But, I caught myself and instead of stewing about it, I sat with her at the school table and we talked about it. 

She told me everything she has to do (this gives her the opportunity to map it out and see it) and we added her piano and dance (like Thursday's she can't have too much heavy school work; she demonstrates 2 hours in the morning and dances up to 3.5 hours in the evening) and then we mapped out a "budget" if you will.  What days she's going to do math, what time is best for her science test, when is a good time for her logic puzzles, what can be done on Thursday afternoons, etc.  We both feel better and I think she felt empowered.  As I read what I wrote, it doesn't sound so bad, but I can assure you, it feels a lot bumpier!

I really feel panicky sometimes and have to remind myself that this is a journey and nothing will be solved in a day.  It's as much about the process as it is about the end result.  Jane will have learned far more from our sitting down together and mapping things out than she would have learned from me being all "crazy mom" nagging her.

It's also an opportunity for me to give her (and Ruth) good messages...teaching them to be patient with themselves and new things and processes that sometimes involve tweaking.   Understand that I HAVE nagged and really gotten on her sometimes.  I'm not always at my best.  

I'm settling into my work routine fairly nicely.  Marty takes Sam to school on Monday's and Wednesday's and picks him up as well (unless he gets a ride from a friend).  I work 7:30-4:00pm on Monday's and Wednesday's and the girls call me when they are up and running (usually between 8 and 8:30).  I try to leave a list of the things they need to get done; especially for Ruth.  Even Ruthie is rising to the challenge though and getting her stuff done and taking charge of her responsibilities.  Tuesday's are our quiet days; we get lots done.  Thursday, Ruth and I do school work while Jane demos dance and often end up at the library in the afternoon.  Friday is piano and co-op day; it goes by really fast!  

New chapters in our lives can be scary, but I'm finding this is turning out to be wonderful!