It's been a rough two weeks. I love this new job; the girls and Sam are doing great with my working. Marty and I have worked out a schedule that seems to get everything done. But two weeks ago the gal who works in the mail room and is in the reserves, got called up for two weeks duty in our state's capitol. So, that meant lots more hours. On top of that, we sold two cars on craig's list and bought two replacement vehicles over the last 18 days! But the worst, what has been especially difficult, is that a good friend of our son killed himself. It hit all of us very hard. Our son, Leo, had known this young man all through highschool and had roomed with him last year. We brought our son home as soon as he found out (which was the morning after it happened) and he stayed two days but was unable to make the mass. I went to the memorial service and it was so beautiful and so awful at the same time. I wonder if I have been meeting the needs of my students sufficiently during these busy, stressful two weeks.
I remember other homeschool moms I've known that have had difficult times. One in particular whose kids are older than my own and experienced the death of both of her parents in the same year. I was amazed at her calmness during her "juggling act" and she explained that after many years of homeschooling she understood that the kids manage to continue learning even through hectic times. All those little things, all those conversations, the advice over the years, I tuck it all away and low and behold it comes back to me at the appropriate times. That's why it is so important to have support, talk to people, seek out advice; we are not meant to be alone.
When I started homeschooling, I used a book called "Managers of their Homes" (I've got a link to their site below). It was written by a homeschooling family to help other homeschoolers schedule their day in order to get everything done that needed to be done. It's tricky, because you don't want to be a slave to the schedule; that could make you very unhappy. The schedule is a tool designed to help. I loved it and it really did help me juggle all the needs of my 3 students and 2 year old at the time. The idea is to outline all that needs to be done for each person in the family and then break it up in 1/2 hour - hour increments and plan it out. You count everything: sleeping, eating, school work, chores, playtime, baths, everything. NEVER did it go exactly as it looked on paper when I was done with my "master schedule," but it was a guide to try and follow. I've stopped using it, but my mind still is governed by the idea that each day I strive to get done what God intends. Seldom if ever are there enough hours in the day to get everything done that is on the list of things to do. On my best days, I say over and over in my head "What should I do now, Lord?" Otherwise, I feel like I'm just running from one thing to the next and at the end of those days, I feel frustrated, unsatisfied. I "feel" like there are not enough hours in the day, but I "trust" that there ARE enough hours for what God intends for me to accomplish.
One of the days that I came home from work, the girls hadn't managed their time so well. Some school work was unfinished ("Well, I had questions and didn't know what to do.") and chores were not all complete ("I didn't know which sink you meant for me to clean.") and I got all crabby. I started lecturing and stomping around and just generally making them feel bad for having had a bad day. In reality, we have bad days even when I am home and even before I started working. Well, poor Jane gets teary eyed and I realize, I'm not doing what God would guide me to do, I'm doing what I think "needs" to be done. What my girls needed was reassurance. I didn't need to spend the precious few hours I've had for them the past two weeks making them feel bad. I quickly reversed gears and calmed down and acknowledged that it was just my own nervousness and stress that had me all crabby. I forgot to take a deep breath when I got home and say, "What now, God?"
I am only one person. I can only do so much. I want at the end of the day to have the peace that comes from knowing that I got done what God needed me to get done. The rest will wait until tomorrow.
Musings on the daily trials and triumphs of a homeschool family.
