Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Updates

As I blogged about not so long ago, I gave Jane a reading assignment with incentives for finishing and consequences for not.  Well, she started off strong.  She read the first book called, 'Fever,' in about a week.  She was certain she was not going to like it, but about 2 chapters in, she couldn't put it down.  She wrote an awesome book report on it that I thoroughly enjoyed and proceeded to start the 2nd book.  She was supposed to read 3 books that I chose (all historical fiction) in 6 weeks with completed book reports. We are at the end of the six weeks and she still hasn't finished the 2nd book.  I don't think she's ever gotten past the 2nd chapter. 

So the consequence I told her about was no t.v.  How do I enforce that when I'm not there?  And for what time period?   My husband says it should last until she finishes the assignment.  Hmmm....that could work.  The bottom line though is she has to decide to do the work.  That's true of a child at school as well.  Few kids who are doing poorly in school are unintelligent.  Mostly, they just need to decide to do the work; to care.

In all fairness to her, I did pick Nutcracker time to decide what to do about her reading.  Her regular dance schedule is 6.5 hours of dance a week, but during nutcracker, she's up there about 12 hours a week.  Still, no excuses, right?  I mean, if she were at school, there would be consequences.  Maybe I should just give her a failing grade and move on?  But that's not why or how I want to homeschool.  So, I'm going to have to think about what to do.  I have spoken with Jane about this.  She suggested that she could do all her reading over the summer.  It's not a bad suggestion, I'll just have to think about whether that will work.

On the bright side, I am so excited to see how well she is doing in her co-op classes and in her Algebra.  She is a smart girl!  I confess, I, like every parent, worry about how my kid will do in highschool.  But even more so when it's the first time she's taken a class outside of home.  She's doing great and I think she also is relieved and pleased!

The one who is really going to benefit from my working 16 hours a week is Ruth.  She was born an independent spirit, but she is really doing well managing her school work in 3rd grade!  She had her first piano recital last Saturday and she did great.  I knew she wouldn't be too nervous; she's danced on stage twice now.  But she did her piece perfectly and her duet with the teacher perfectly.  She's something else!  I was so glad that two of her older brothers came (the other one is away at college). 

Well, our tree is up and decorated, the house decorations are up, most of my shopping is done and most of that, wrapped, and a few batches of cookies are made.  All I could think about as we decorated was how blessed I am to have my family with me.  With my son's friend gone, a woman from work dying suddenly, and the mall shooting this week, I am more aware that the real gift for me this year and every year is the family that surrounds me.  Even with all the issues that come with marriage and raising kids, at the end of the day, I have my husband and my five kids and my parents and my sisters with me....there's nothing else I want. 

Monday, November 12, 2012

Not enough hours in the day....

It's been a rough two weeks.  I love this new job; the girls and Sam are doing great with my working.  Marty and I have worked out a schedule that seems to get everything done.  But two weeks ago the gal who works in the mail room and is in the reserves, got called up for two weeks duty in our state's capitol.  So, that meant lots more hours.  On top of that, we sold two cars on craig's list and bought two replacement vehicles over the last 18 days!  But the worst, what has been especially difficult, is that a good friend of our son killed himself.  It hit all of us very hard.  Our son, Leo, had known this young man all through highschool and had roomed with him last year.  We brought our son home as soon as he found out (which was the morning after it happened) and he stayed two days but was unable to make the mass.  I went to the memorial service and it was so beautiful and so awful at the same time.  I wonder if I have been meeting the needs of my students sufficiently during these busy, stressful two weeks.

I remember other homeschool moms I've known that have had difficult times.  One in particular whose kids are older than my own and experienced the death of both of her parents in the same year.  I was amazed at her calmness during her "juggling act" and she explained that after many years of homeschooling she understood that the kids manage to continue learning even through hectic times.  All those little things, all those conversations, the advice over the years, I tuck it all away and low and behold it comes back to me at the appropriate times.  That's why it is so important to have support, talk to people, seek out advice; we are not meant to be alone.  

When I started homeschooling, I used a book called "Managers of their Homes" (I've got a link to their site below).  It was written by a homeschooling family to help other homeschoolers schedule their day in order to get everything done that needed to be done.  It's tricky, because you don't want to be a slave to the schedule; that could make you very unhappy.  The schedule is a tool designed to help. I loved it and it really did help me juggle all the needs of my 3 students and 2 year old at the time.  The idea is to outline all that needs to be done for each person in the family and then break it up in 1/2 hour - hour increments and plan it out.  You count everything: sleeping, eating, school work, chores, playtime, baths, everything.  NEVER did it go exactly as it looked on paper when I was done with my "master schedule," but it was a guide to try and follow.  I've stopped using it, but my mind still is governed by the idea that each day I strive to get done what God intends.  Seldom if ever are there enough hours in the day to get everything done that is on the list of things to do.  On my best days, I say over and over in my head "What should I do now, Lord?"  Otherwise, I feel like I'm just running from one thing to the next and at the end of those days, I feel frustrated, unsatisfied. I "feel" like there are not enough hours in the day, but I "trust" that there ARE enough hours for what God intends for me to accomplish.  

One of the days that I came home from work, the girls hadn't managed their time so well.  Some school work was unfinished ("Well, I had questions and didn't know what to do.") and chores were not all complete ("I didn't know which sink you meant for me to clean.") and I got all crabby.  I started lecturing and stomping around and just generally making them feel bad for having had a bad day.  In reality, we have bad days even when I am home and even before I started working.  Well, poor Jane gets teary eyed and I realize, I'm not doing what God would guide me to do, I'm doing what I think "needs" to be done.  What my girls needed was reassurance.  I didn't need to spend the precious few hours I've had for them the past two weeks making them feel bad.  I quickly reversed gears and calmed down and acknowledged that it was just my own nervousness and stress that had me all crabby.  I forgot to take a deep breath when I got home and say, "What now, God?"  

I am only one person. I can only do so much.  I want at the end of the day to have the peace that comes from knowing that I got done what God needed me to get done.  The rest will wait until tomorrow.  

Saturday, October 27, 2012

Struggles

Here's what I'm really struggling with.  I can't get Jane to read.  She is an avid reader and reads great big books and consumes them quickly.  But as soon as there's a hint of me wanting her to read something...then she doesn't want to read it.  I've been patient.  Given her time to mentally adjust.  Agreed that she could read a "fun" book and a book for school at the same time.  Nevermind my argument that a school book could be "fun."  Why waste my breath?  Offered her a huge list from which to pick; a list I didn't create but a compilation of homeschool teen's favorites. I've taken her to the library to choose for herself, but she just comes back with fiction.  I finally told her that if she wouldn't choose, I'll choose and she'll have to read it.  She agrees and I choose and nothing gets read. 

This isn't about homeschooling. (I can hear all the people out there saying, "See.  This is why it would never work.  I could never get my kid's cooperation.")  This is about her relationship with me.  We've always had a sort of push-pull relationship.  It has affected the school situation, but this one is trickier, because it's not in a textbook; it's not outlined in a lesson plan.  Also, you can see an unfinished lesson or worksheet.  It's harder to "see" an unread book.

I guess I'll have to assign several books with book reports due at certain times and have consequences (like no t.v.) if they don't get done.  And maybe I'll add incentives like if you finish early, you can eat out with your friends before or after dance.  I'll try that and let you know what works.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Bumps

I knew there would be bumps in this highschool journey.  As the weeks roll along, Jane and I have been having discussions about how things are working.  Mostly, I'm just SO imressed with how well she is doing. So, what has not been working?  Consistency.  Consistently doing her work every day!

Her other studies are suffering because she spends much of her time focused on the co-op classes.  She cannot let her math, english, history and spelling (yes, spelling in 9th grade; she needs it!) suffer.  Mind you, she is still doing them, but not with the same attention.  I get nervous, then I get crabby.  But, I caught myself and instead of stewing about it, I sat with her at the school table and we talked about it. 

She told me everything she has to do (this gives her the opportunity to map it out and see it) and we added her piano and dance (like Thursday's she can't have too much heavy school work; she demonstrates 2 hours in the morning and dances up to 3.5 hours in the evening) and then we mapped out a "budget" if you will.  What days she's going to do math, what time is best for her science test, when is a good time for her logic puzzles, what can be done on Thursday afternoons, etc.  We both feel better and I think she felt empowered.  As I read what I wrote, it doesn't sound so bad, but I can assure you, it feels a lot bumpier!

I really feel panicky sometimes and have to remind myself that this is a journey and nothing will be solved in a day.  It's as much about the process as it is about the end result.  Jane will have learned far more from our sitting down together and mapping things out than she would have learned from me being all "crazy mom" nagging her.

It's also an opportunity for me to give her (and Ruth) good messages...teaching them to be patient with themselves and new things and processes that sometimes involve tweaking.   Understand that I HAVE nagged and really gotten on her sometimes.  I'm not always at my best.  

I'm settling into my work routine fairly nicely.  Marty takes Sam to school on Monday's and Wednesday's and picks him up as well (unless he gets a ride from a friend).  I work 7:30-4:00pm on Monday's and Wednesday's and the girls call me when they are up and running (usually between 8 and 8:30).  I try to leave a list of the things they need to get done; especially for Ruth.  Even Ruthie is rising to the challenge though and getting her stuff done and taking charge of her responsibilities.  Tuesday's are our quiet days; we get lots done.  Thursday, Ruth and I do school work while Jane demos dance and often end up at the library in the afternoon.  Friday is piano and co-op day; it goes by really fast!  

New chapters in our lives can be scary, but I'm finding this is turning out to be wonderful!  

Saturday, September 22, 2012

Not Again!!

It's happened again!  Another person expressing their concern about socialization.  This time, it was a person who I admire and respect.  I'll call her Ms. S.  She knows one of my boys but didn't know he had been homeschooled.  Then she found out that Jane is homeschooling highschool.  I said something about Jane's dance and Ms. S said, "So does she get enough socialization through her dance?"  AARRRGHGHG!

I replied, "People are always concerned about socialization, but it is not something that concerns me."  She jumped in there and said with passion, "It concerns me!"  How disappointed I am to hear this from someone I consider well-educated.  I assume well-educated people are critical thinkers...perhaps I am wrong. 

Critical thinking requires following a thought through.  I calmly replied to Ms. S., "Oh, come on. Think about it; there are kids in traditional school settings who are socially awkward.  Where you are educated is not what defines you socially.  Largely, the parents are the biggest influence in their children's social abilities."  She readily conceded that I had a point and went on to say that my son is "delightful."  Of'course he is, as are all my kids, despite being homeschooled! Imagine that!

I went further with Ms. S and pointed out that if you take any segment of society, you're bound to find socially awkward people.  If there is a greater number of socially awkward kids/families among homeschoolers, it is because they know that they are different and yet are unwilling to change and unwilling to subject their kids to the pain of being "different" in a society that values conformity over individualism.  Some people embrace their awkwardness.  As a homeschooler, I am proud of the fact that I don't think like the rest of society!

Now, as I tell my kids, prejudices/generalizations/bias comes from a truth.  In other words, we find something to often be true and then we form a prejudice, etc. from that basic truth.  The problem is that whatever conclusion we've drawn, is not always correct.  Just because we observe that some homeschoolers are socially awkward, we should not conclude that homeschooling your kids makes them socially awkward.  That would seem to indicate that there are NO socially awkward kids in traditional schools, and NO socially adept kids that are homeschooled.

So my point is that where/how you are schooled does NOT make you socially awkward.  Nor does going to school make you socially adept.  We hear a lot in the news these days about bullying in schools and even on school busses.  Do I meet someone who tells me where they are sending their kids to school and I say, "Oooohh. Are you worried they'll be bullied or a bullier?  How are you going to address that to make sure they don't fall into either group?"  They would look at me like I was crazy.  What is going on IN the schools is a direct result of what is going on in the homes.  Schools don't MAKE bullies.

I firmly believe that my kids were born the kind of student that they are and that I did little to change that.  I certainly tried to help each of them build on their strengths and learn from and overcome their weaknesses.  I believe that through homeschooling they received more attention, more opportunity to grow personally, better sibling relationships, and I pray to God that they are better critical thinkers!

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Co-op and Piano Begin

Lots of new beginnings this past week.  We had our same piano tuner that we've had for 10 years come back and tune our piano and our beloved piano teacher is back teaching Jane and Ruth.  She will be coming to the house on Friday mornings to teach the girls.  Jane has had 6 years of piano but needs to continue.  In looking into dance majors we found that they look for students who know music.  So we will build on what Jane already knows and go deep into Theory.  She'll receive high school credit for both instument and theory. 

Ruth had her first ever piano lesson Friday.  I am so glad and so relieved that we are able to do this.  When we stopped (mostly for financial reasons) having Miss Linda come and teach the kids, I intended to get back to it one day.  Still, you wonder if you ever will.  Ruth LOVED it and loves Miss Linda.  Our teacher uses the Farber method so that on the first day, you are playing a song.  Miss Linda has taught all of our kids piano.  Martin had 4 yrs; Leo, Sam and Jane each had 6 yrs.  They all can play some, but Leo and Jane are the ones who still play.  They were all taught theory as well and I have to go get theory books for both Jane and Ruth for their next lesson.

So Fridays are piano, spelling test, and co-op days.  Sometimes we have other tests on Fridays, it just depends.  Jane is really liking co-op and has been twice now.  She has Ms. Rottler for biology and I love that she will really be active in the classroom with a microscope and dissecting, etc.  I also like that outside the classroom she HAS to learn to manage her time; a skill she will use the rest of her life.

Her other classes this semester, Memorization Skills and Logic are AWESOME!  I told her I didn't think there would be a lot of outside the classroom activities, but I was wrong.  Especially in memory class; she will be very busy.  However, she loves it!  And it is amazing to see her confidence building already.  She is literally blossoming right before our eyes, becoming confident, capable, mature and just a beautiful person!

She has to go on-line to schoolology.com for her memory class and listens to a 40 minute lecture each week.  They memorize a prayer and a scripture verse each week.  For the semester, they will memorize 140 saints names, feast month, what they are remembered for, and when they lived.  It's not really about what you're memorizing (although that's SO great) it's about the skills she is acquiring and the confidence it builds in her; especially with her dyslexia, which tends to undermine her confidence.

The Logic class is also more rigorous than I expected, but she loves it.  It is "fun" according to her, and it really is teaching critical thinking skills that are so important.  This class is taught by Mr. Williams, who also teaches the memory class.

I have finally finished my training for my new job (I still can't get over that I am working 16 hours a week!).  I worked my first "on my own" shift last Thursday.  Samantha (who job shares with me and Kathy) needed help because her babysitter's kid was sick and so I went in for 3 hours.  It wasn't too bad!  I work for real this Monday and Wednesday and I kind of think that it's gonna work out okay.  The girls really seem to handle my absence well.  I mean, I know there will be bad days, but I have those even when I'm home with them.  I am going to have to be super organized, but with this kind of incentive, that shouldn't be a problem.  And, so, our adventure continues with more twists!

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Big Changes!!

WOW!  A lot has happened since my last post.  The big news is that I am now working a part-time job.  Mondays and Wednesdays 7:30-4pm as a receptionist.  I am job sharing with two other women (one being my sister).  WHAT??!!  Yes..I'm still homeschooling the girls.  We talked about putting them in school but of'course they didn't want to and Jane was very convincing that she could handle it.  I've been in 3 days for training and the girls have done a stellar job.  I think they do better when I'm not here...go figure!  I leave their lesson plan (what they need to do in each subject) and two chores per daughter (like vaccum the living room rug, clean the 1/2 bath sink/toilet, unload the dishwasher, etc).  They also have to walk the dogs (just around the block).  No T.V. till 4 p.m.

I fully anticipate the girls calling one day with arguments, etc.  But I think it's going to work.  I will do this juggling act for about 9 months (can't be harder than pregnancy, right?) and then back out.  It will really help with college and Sam's last year at Vianney, etc.  Jane is doing so great with her stuff and she starts her Co-op tomorrow.  She's a little nervous but I think she's going to love.  She is really looking forward to her Biology class.  The teacher used to be a coroner and has a Ph.D. in Biology?? I think it is.  She says she loves to do lab work and that is what the kids will be doing mostly for their class time; they're expected to do their reading on their own.

Ruth is also rising to the challenge and handling her school work well.  She and I will have to work out what we are going to do during the 5 hours Jane is at Co-op.  We will probably go to a nearby branch of the public library and read or finish school work.

So, next time I post, we will have experienced Co-op and my new work schedule.  Should be interesting!